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20 Best Father’s Day “Dad Jokes”

“Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!”

“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”

“Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”

“How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.”

“Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!”

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

“I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”

“I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.”

“You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.”

“What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”

“It takes guts to be an organ donor.”

“If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?”

“I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!”

“Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.”

“Three guys walk into a bar. You’d think one of them would have seen it.”

“I haven’t been to the gym in so long, I’ve gone back to calling it James.”

“Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction.”

“Are you feeling cold? Sit in the corner, it is 90 degrees.”

“What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill? Walking. JK, rolling.”

“I don’t trust those trees, they seem kind of shady.”